I'd like to make the public disclaimer that you often hear on this channel: I make no special claim to virtue. I have faults and problems like any other man. I am sympathetic to people with vices and flaws. I am not telling anyone how to live. I am only opening a window to my own life.
Tamie has decorated the house in a Thanksgiving theme: pumpkins and corn sheaves on the front porch, and a little thanksgiving scene on the dining room table. This year we're just staying home. It's unlikely that any extended family will be over, which suits me just fine this year. Just keeping it simple.
Seed of Equivalent Benefit
As you know, I've set a goal to take control of my own mind: to choose my own thoughts and feelings. This has been a greater challenge than I ever thought. Oddly, by making a positive change I actually had crushing episodes of despair for months on end. I think they are gone now. I suppose it's like withdrawal symptoms. I was accustomed to allowing and accepting negative thoughts, dwelling on pessimistic scenarios, so when I stopped there was like a series of mental shockwaves. I call it "mind puking". Your mind has barf out old concepts and superstitions.
The last few weeks I have stepped up my efforts. I have focused on critical times of the day, namely just waking up and just going to sleep. This where there is overlap with the subconscious mind. It is a creative state where intuition, fears and hopes are brought to the fore. I don't let my mind just wander during these times anymore. I purposely choose what I am going to think. I play out in my mind how I want things to go during the day. Not just that, but I emotionalize these images with happiness and peace. I can only describe it as Love. I love my image. I see on the movie screen of my mind how the studio will look when it's finished, what workers and clients will say and do, and in short how everything can go right that day.
I also take care to choose music and video that will be uplifting. Things that I like, that bring me peace. I have accepted as my responsibility to be happy, to choose my own feelings. "You're going to have ups and downs" Maybe not true. I've found that if I choose happiness, and keep my spirits up water-tight, that events will actually go my way.
I am still without a car. I gave mine away to a young couple and the Universe has yet to replace it with my desired one (a 2012 Chevy Equinoxe, black). However, a blessing has come into my life because of it. My wife drives me to work and I get to be with her when otherwise I would just slip out early. I love this time.
A morning ritual in the car is that I make a list of six things that could go right today. Today X is going to happen. I create an expectation in my mind. I call the shot.
All that said I still have a long ways to go. I'm still not to critical mass yet.
Saturday night there was a Young Women's presentation at the church where the girls presented talents and projects. So, my thirteen year old daughter got up there, and without apology or explanation belted out a song she "had been working on". There was a palpable cringe from the audience. It was off-key like Klingon opera. And it went on for a while. As she finished my heart swelled with pride and satisfaction. I realized that she was her father's daughter. Instead of wincing and low-talking like most of the other girls she just marched up there like she owned the joint, no self-consciousness. Just like me. What I lack in talent I make up for in volume (both kinds). Persistence and out-goingness are the hallmarks of success and McKenna has picked that up in spades. I love that girl. She's a good person.
Well, that's it for me. I hope that all who read this will be bless-ed this season.