Greetings ONE follower of this Blog.
I can't get the pics off my phone or I would have some to post here. It is Sunday. If it weren't for Sunday I would run myself into the ground. But the old habit of resting on Sundays is helping me out. This personal blog is tough since I devote most of my mental energy to work. Do I have a personal life? Not really outside of family.
When I was just out of fourth grade my family relocated to the outback of Alaska where all I had was a giant stack of books to entertain me. I think that was a pivotal moment for me. After I returned home I had to be put in advanced classes. They had to actually invent things to challenge me. Why is that? Could having been put back into nature, into a feral state actually been good for me? I have the idea that classrooms are stifling for growth and creativity. A bit of heresy to be sure. I believe that I got more out of playing D&D than I did out of my high school classes.
As you know (you ONE person who follows this blog) I am trying to control my own thoughts and feelings. I want to create a clear vision for my life, or rather refine the one I already have. But I've found it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. A few days ago it occurred to me that I need to structure myself a lot better. In my fading distance from Mormonism I may have gone too far from... order. I have to be more careful what I let in my mind, what music I listen to, what movies and TV I watch. I must create a better structure for myself.
I think it will be greatly beneficial if I get up out of bed right away. It is during these unfocussed times (laying in bed, in the dark) that I tend to spiral out of control mentally. I imagine how things could go wrong. I need some kind of structured vision work, like a personal devotional for fifteen minutes to set the pace for the day. I believe I am responsible for the way that I think and feel. Stress and worry create a negative mental state. That in turn collapses reality into the negative form that I am thinking about.
I need to get serious about this.
In other news, I'm running Star Trek: Voyager as background noise. This will be the third time through. Today I did all the prep work on my Dropzone Commander UCM force. I can't wait to hit the table.
I believe that truth can be found everywhere. Insight in everything. There is some truth that I can't quite get at. I want to know what is really going on. Or perhaps the truth is that the mind-blank is the very thing that brings things into focus. Somehow not-knowing is helping me. It makes life real and difficult.
Lastly, I make my usual disclaimer. I make no claim to special virtue. I am not telling anyone how to run their lives.