Sunday, November 4, 2012

Focus on the Goal, not the Task

Greetings ONE follower of this Blog.

I can't get the pics off my phone or I would have some to post here.  It is Sunday.  If it weren't for Sunday I would run myself into the ground.  But the old habit of resting on Sundays is helping me out.  This personal blog is tough since I devote most of my mental energy to work.  Do I have a personal life?  Not really outside of family.

When I was just out of fourth grade my family relocated to the outback of Alaska where all I had was a giant stack of books to entertain me.  I think that was a pivotal moment for me.  After I returned home I had to be put in advanced classes.  They had to actually invent things to challenge me.  Why is that?  Could having been put back into nature, into a feral state actually been good for me?  I have the idea that classrooms are stifling for growth and creativity.  A bit of heresy to be sure.  I believe that I got more out of playing D&D than I did out of my high school classes.

As you know (you ONE person who follows this blog) I am trying to control my own thoughts and feelings.  I want to create a clear vision for my life, or rather refine the one I already have.  But I've found it's a lot harder than I thought it would be.  A few days ago it occurred to me that I need to structure myself a lot better.  In my fading distance from Mormonism I may have gone too far from... order.  I have to be more careful what I let in my mind, what music I listen to, what movies and TV I watch.  I must create a better structure for myself.

I think it will be greatly beneficial if I get up out of bed right away.  It is during these unfocussed times (laying in bed, in the dark) that I tend to spiral out of control mentally.  I imagine how things could go wrong.  I need some kind of structured vision work, like a personal devotional for fifteen minutes to set the pace for the day.  I believe I am responsible for the way that I think and feel.  Stress and worry create a negative mental state.  That in turn collapses reality into the negative form that I am thinking about.

I need to get serious about this.

In other news, I'm running Star Trek: Voyager as background noise.  This will be the third time through.  Today I did all the prep work on my Dropzone Commander UCM force.  I can't wait to hit the table.

I believe that truth can be found everywhere.  Insight in everything.  There is some truth that I can't quite get at.  I want to know what is really going on.  Or perhaps the truth is that the mind-blank is the very thing that brings things into focus.  Somehow not-knowing is helping me.  It makes life real and difficult.

Lastly, I make my usual disclaimer.  I make no claim to special virtue.  I am not telling anyone how to run their lives.


  1. I may be the ONE... Cue highlander music. Follower of this blog. And I am diligent. But you speak from the heart and that is refreshing in this day and age. And that is why I am so diligent. I feel that this is a place for you to keep record of the things that you just cannot voice anywhere else, a place to vent as it were. And know that I will never judge and will always diligently. cubed. listen.

    P.s. God is always there to listen. Just as in the constitution its. God, People, & Country. See God is always first.

  2. I check both of your blogs and have for almost 4 years. I don't "follow" cuz I don't like that feature but I check itleast twice a week. You write very well and sometimes are able to articulate thoughts I've had better then I'm able to. Also you challenge my viewpoints sometimes which I like. I definately don't agree with everything you say but its refreshing to read a fellow fathers/husbands walk. Cheers Shawn.

  3. I appreciate your thoughts. I find they often echo my own. Thank you for sharing.

    And please, if you do find that elusive truth, share that too. :)