Thursday, October 18, 2012

Applied Faith

I'm super.  I got out of bed today, chipper and ready to go at 6:30am or so.  The downstairs bathroom, the one I use, is neat and orderly and now appointed with teal accountrements, my fave.  Towels of the same color.  It makes me happy.

I made some Ramen and a PB&J for breakfast and ate them in the car as my wife drove me to work.  About three months now since I created a vacuum by giving my car away.  Still awaiting my awesome 2012 Chevy Equinoxe.

I'm doing well.  Now that I'm concentrating only on today, life is pretty good.  Today is always a good day.  My mind is clear.  I am full of hope for the future.

I'm taking over the Inquiries and Ordering dept.  There is a lot of cleanup.  It's rife with mistakes and oversights.  Bungles.  Nothing to do but plow forward. 

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sounds About Right

Today is a Good Day

I'm not doing well.  I have a stress headache.  My mind is full of worry.  It's not a good place.

Saturday morning my wife and I took to the road, her driving, going up to Valhalla.  My sweet wife was radiant and calm.  The scenery was beyond belief.  It was heaven on earth.

I ranted and raved the entire way.  The subject: nothing works, nothing is going right.  Oh it was bad.  I was so negative.  My lovely wife just extended her arm and held my hand, listening quietly.  For forty-five minutes I went off like a kettle boiling over.  As we arrived in Sundance I petered out and I asked her to say something.

"Shawn, I love you.  All the things we are doing now are laying the foundation for a better life.  Things are getting better and progressing.  Oh, and don't worry, I am full of positive things so none of this is getting to me."

How fortunate I am!  What a tremendous woman I have married.  Best thing that's ever happened to me.  She has managed to keep it together being married to such a mercurial being as myself.  Mostly up, but when I'm down it's pretty hard.

Later that day I was walking down a Sundance road, the glory of autumn all around, and I had a realization: Today is always good.  It is the tomorrow that I invent in my mind that is horrible.  It's spoiling the present.  I need to keep today protected carefully in my mind.

It's always that way with small business.  The seas seem choppier when you are in a small boat.  I am working super-hard to achieve equilibrium.  However, without a supply of capital on hand I have to expand using only our meager resources and it creates hard shocks.  Right now is the right time to get capital for BTP which is something that we are eagerly looking for.  I would sign on for $200,000 tomorrow and put it to good use.

I believe that things are moving forward.  My life, my person, my business and All the people associated with this venture are all improving and at a notable rate.  I just need to be more grateful and "see" things more clearly.  It's not always sales, money dropping into the bank.  Connections, people, arrangements and learning experiences all count as progression as well.

Let me give you an example.  While at Valhalla we formed a relationship with that will allow us access/exposure to their subscriber base of 60,000 or more subscribers.  Flash back two months.  Rob from Marketing approached me and asked me what I wanted.  I said "I want 50,000 Youtube subscribers."  The math on that was impossible as we were only rising fifteen subscribers a day and would need like more than two hundred a day.  See how that went?  We stayed focused, did the right thing and it turned out in a marvelous and spectacular way.

I'm trying to hoist it all by myself.  That's not right either.  There are supplies at hand.  There are other people involved here.  God, family and friends will all help.  I always assume people will be upset with me if I don't produce the results (I perceive) that they want.  But that's not necessarily the case.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

October 10, 2012

It's Thursday morning.  I waiting for Shannon to pick me up and take me to Valhalla for day two.

Check out that picture.  Every day I think of something or see something new that makes me think "wow, that's awesome.  Imagine having breakfast like that.  How could it happen.  If that's what I want, what am I doing here?

Well, here is pretty awesome, too!

All right, back to Wednesday.  With an Inquiries guy out Monday and Tuesday sick it was a pretty hectic day getting ready for Valhalla and all.  I really felt like I was running around wearing four hats.  I'm trying to get the studio to a point where it runs by itself.  We have to prove a basic concept, make it run flawlessly then duplicate that.  It's harder than it looks.  Once you introduce other humans things start to get chaotic.

The beds up at Valhalla are all taken so I drove home with my wife at about 9pm.  She's quite a catch.  We made a list of all her good things.  It takes a long time to build up a good marriage and it's a precious thing.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Dream Journal- the Gibbering Mouther

I dreamed that I went to the lower level of a building much like our current studio; a flight of steps going down that open into a broad pillared hall.  All around the room were stored the trappings of home and business-- furniture, paintings, hanging clothes, appliances.  These things were in a state of partial disarray, like someone was just moving in.

Now on to the strange part.  In the middle of the room was a stone or concrete pad.  On top of the pad was suspended a rectangular bubble of nutrient rich water about three feet thick.  It was natural water, like from a pond, but with no green elements in it.

As I approached I could see insectoid and octopoid creatures floating in it, some kicking or drifting lazily.  Some were the size of my fore-arm.  They were revolting.  But the notable creature was in the center of the slab, a gibbering mouther, looking at me silently with its mis-shapen eyes.  With slug-like tenacity it stuck to the stone with a muscoid foot (like a snail's foot).  I suddenly got the urge just to clear out these odd creatures.  None of them were useful and they did not belong in this new environment.

With a thought I drained the water completely, leaving the creatures stranded, gasping and flopping.  Nearby I found a strong hose with an industrial strength nozzle.  I turned it on to full strength and began directing the spray at the chitinous rubbery flailing mess.  None of the creatures had any power against it.  Even the gibbering mouther, when the concentrated and pure water was directed at the foot, began to loosen and its bulk flopped over and was pushed right off the stone pad.  It was a grotesque wreck, a mound of rotting mucous and teeth.

For a moment I felt sad for them.  They were completely dead.  I had pushed them out of their home.  But in the blink of an eye the entire pile was gone.  Once off the source of life they simply could not even exist at all.

I stood with satisfaction on the center of the pad, the hose now turned off.  It was washed clean.  The foundation was once again purified and ready to be built on again afresh.

This is all pretty clear.  The room represents the foundation of my life: home and business.  I am in the process of moving new and good things in.  The concrete pad is my mind, the foundation and source of it all.  The creatures represent old and now-useless ways of thinking, superstitions, and relationships.  They must be done away with through positive thinking (the spray hose) in a single strong direction.  Only then can everything be ordered.  It will be easier than I think, I just need to stay focused.

The gibbering mouther?  Still thinking over what that represents.  Whatever it is, it's going to be the toughest thing to clear out.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

This sounds about right

This is how I feel.  The "debate" is between two Statists who will not fundamentally change anything.  More in common that different.  Bring on other parties, let's hear from them.  It's a non-choice.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Nothing Song

This song relaxes me.  It makes me thoughtful.

I heard it in the final sequence of Vanilla Sky.  The end of that movie = what I've been thinking about reality itself.  Is everything a construct of my own mind?  Why can't I manipulate it more easily?  Or is that a failsafe that prevents me from damaging myself with wayward or uncontrolled thought.

Dream Journal- Bus Stop of Infinite Possibilities

[I spent two years in Chile as a missionary.  It's a frequent and positive dream location.  It represents adventure, risk, and high spirituality]

I dreamed that I was in Chile, staying overnight in a hostel up on a hill.  Come the morning I headed down the gravel road towards the bus stop, several missionaries with me.  At the bottom of the road, where it intersected the main paved avenue there was a huge golem blocking my way; a cold and undying monstrosity.  With indignation I grabbed a metal fence post (those triple flange things) and after a warning for him to move I plowed into him with it.  All my might I swung at his head and neck but in amazement I realized that I only bent the post.  In fact, it was bent at the end, the point of hideous leverage which could have felled a small tree, in the shape of his head.  I managed only to mangle my metal.

Cocking my head to take stock of this I realized that the golem was not very fast.  So casting aside the post I just skirted around him no problem and continued on my way.

Soon, the bus arrived at the stop, a bus that could take me anywhere I wanted.  It was a noisy, stocky, dirty Chilean bus with hearty wheels.  In a panic I realized that I had left my wallet at the hostel.  The head missionary promptly handed me a stack of US bills (valuable and easily exchanged in Chile) of various denominations.  It was a fat stack, about two or three inches thick, more than enough for my needs.  I could go back to the hostel for my wallet or just get on the bus and go right then.

Interpretation: pretty obvious wouldn't you say?  Divine providence will supply if only I have the faith to get on the bus.  I am fighting my problems too hard.

I am here creating a repository of things that I want.  Are you ready for some shameless window shopping?  Now that I have the perfect family, wife, kids, job, neighborhood, home maybe it's time for a new pair of shoes.  So here goes.

I would encourage anyone reading here to "write your own ticket".  Start with what you want.  How would you like your life to be?  Most people go through life with only this vague idea that things will be "better" in the future.  Once the money comes in, then they will decide what they want.  It's the other way around.  Decide exactly, with pictures, images and emotion, what it is you want.

Remember, you can always change your mind later.

So, here I will not worry about price.  I would encourage you to do the same!  There are no do-overs in life.  You only get one shot, so at the very least make up your mind!

Item #1 a pair of shoes.  While painting my deck I got paint on my shoes.  I've always worn Payless $19.99 shoes and I think it's time for a nice pair.  Size 12.  I also need a pair of walking shoes and a pair of dress shoes.  $80.00

Item #2 Google Nexus Tablet.   I find myself walking around the studio a lot and it would be really keen to do my work wherever I happened to be.  The art director needs one, too.  Is this a good one?  I really don't know what I'm looking at.  $260 x2

Item #3 A Desk for my home.  I've been working for years on a beat up resin Wal Mart table.  No longer! I've got my eyes on something like this.  $200.00.  I like stuff that's simple.  Zen.  Not overdone.  Laurence.

Item #4 A shaver.  Braun 350CC Washable Rechargable.  $169.00

Item #5  A computer bag.  The one I have is going on five years old, and breaking down at the seams.  This is a samsonite which I find attractive.  $149.00

Item #6  These are luxury items.  My two favorite childhood arcade games.  Paragon (pinball) and Joust.


Day One

My first blog was on Yahoo 360.  I think it was Thanksgiving 2007.

It no longer seems appropriate to record my personal life on the studio blog.  Oh sure, the gaming aspect will be there and that's personal I suppose.

Today was Monday.  And welcome.  Wow, now that I'm under the camera I don't know what to say.  I worked a long day today.  I'm acting as Art Director down at the studio this week, the second week in a row.  I took a few weeks of vacation before this.

It was different this time, up at Snowbird.  We go every year.  The first years it was a chore.  When is this going to be over so I can get back to work.  But this time I really left it all behind, my wonderful staff taking care of things.